Advice For New Mamas - From Mamas
PROVIDED BY MY MOM COMMUNITY ON INSTA (@MOMMY.REALIST)
I left a question box for you guys to leave me a piece of advice that you would give to a new mom, what is something that you would tell yourself as first time mom, becoming a mom, in those first couple of months? Here were your answers:
Be easy on yourself & remember that you can handle it.
Seek professional help if you are struggling. No shame in PPD/PPA - it can happen to anyone.
If breastfeeding is affecting your mental health - it’s okay to stop.
You do not need to do “all the things”.
ASK FOR HELP!!
Sleep when baby sleeps - I AM SERIOUS - chores can get done later, you need rest to function.
Take advantage of people wanting to help.
Rest your body and ask for help when you can.
Just knowing it will pass, the hard moments, the healing, the confusion - it will pass.
When people ask to help, they mean it. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN.
You are incredible for giving new life.
Power. Through. You were literally made and meant to be a mom. You WILL sleep again.
Buy an extra set of cheap bed sheets for your bed.
Get yourself a pair of slippers that are indoor/outdoor acceptable.
Take a picture of baby everyday or a little video. It’s a blur and nice to look back on.
Be explicitly clear about what you need - do not expect your husband to just do what you need.
Make yourself snacks for the middle of the night that aren’t total junk.
Eat more than you think you “need to”.
Don’t do any of the housework for at least 6 weeks.
Fuck everyone and do what you need to survive.
Follow your gut. It won’t lead you astray!
Go outside every day for five minutes ALONE and get some fresh air.
Survive.
Rest. Everything else can wait. Your only job right now is to take care of that little one.
Snuggle, all the kisses, soak it in and don’t feel guilty about it for one single second.
That even though it’s hard to imagine - it gets easier.
Join a mom support group!
Hire a doula!
Don’t people please. Be selfish, say no, ask for help, and stay in bed.
Drink bone broth and coco water for breastmilk.
Do nothing for 21 days but rest and care for baby.
Give dad the baby diapers to change.
People to clean your house and cook for you so you can heal.
It is your motherhood journey not everyone else’s! You decided what is best for your family!
You WILL sleep again.
That feeling of sadness and worry and fear will subside and you’ll feel more like you.
No one talks about how fucking hard this is, you are not alone or an outlier.
If breastfeeding doesn’t go well or if you are tired, give that baby formula and don’t fret!
When someone offers to help out…. TAKE IT !!!!
This too, shall pass.
Don’t compare yourself to what you see on instagram.
Hold that baby. Don’t put them down to do chores every change you get. Enjoy the snuggles.
It’s such a small window of time, the hard shit won’t last forever. You will sleep again.
If someone offers help, take it! And don’t be afraid to say no to visitors!
Trust your gut, ask for help and do less.
Let go of “time” and just live in the moment. 2am and 2pm are the same with a newborn, that means you can eat dinner at 2am, ice cream at 6am, or pancakes at 8pm, you get it.
Give yourself grace, the routine will come. And ask for help!
No visitors after coming home.
Sit down. Let people wait on you.
Take all the help, all the food, all the things and feel zero guilt!!!
Make sure your partner give you time to eat, shower and be human.
Delegate responsibilities to your partner immediately. Please don’t let yourself become the default parent too easily or quickly. You need help!
Take all the help anyone is willing to give. Give yourself (and your partner) grace.
Remember that, like it or not, whatever it is, it’s just a phase and will change soon.
Just survive. Ask for help. Lower expectations. Know that you’re awesome.
Schedule “me time” !!
Don’t sweat the small stuff because the second you think you figured it out, nope! They flip the script.
Be honest and open with your partner about how you are feeling emotionally and physically.
Your boundaries matter most. No one is entitled to you or to your baby. Keep those snuggles.
Take lots of photos and treasure them
Take breastfeeding an infant class before baby comes.
Clean and even take care of your older kids. Just take time for you and your new baby. I finally did it with #5.
Get all the help you that is offered and ask for help. Enjoy precious time with your baby.
No one cares if the house is a mess or the laundry isn’t done. Seriously, just hold the baby.
Give yourself grace. Hold your boundaries. It’s okay if it’s not okay.
Always trust your gut. Mama always knows. We’re connected to our baby. Trust yourself.
You know yourself and your baby better than anyone else. So trust your gut. Ask for help!
Ask for help and accept help. Lower your expectations, and then lower them again.
Just turn on the tv and accept the immobility.
Accept all the help. All of it. No shame on handing baby over for a shower, a nap, target run.
Give yourself grace, let the house get messy. Focus on baby and yourself.
If someone offers help, take it without feeling defeated or ashamed. It takes a village.
Your Intuition is stronger than ever, do what you feel is right for your baby.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help and give yourself grace in this changing time.
Babies won’t break! Sounds random but you can get them dressed and an arm won’t fall off.
Make It clear with your partner what help you need from them, and don’t feel guilty for asking.
Be gentle with yourself! Things get better.
What ever happens, it’s okay. You’re doing your best.
Create boundaries, you can say when people can come see baby. Mama is the boss!
If it works for others it doesn’t mean it has to work for you.
Don’t you worry, you’ll always find your own way to do things and you got this!
Don’t be bullied by your MIL
Don’t be angry when you’re up with the baby in the middle of the night, cherish the time.
Listen to others’ advice BUT do what’s best for YOUR new family.
Deep breaths and know you are doing a great job.
You don’t have to let people hold your baby if you don’t want to. Even family. It’s your baby. They can wait.
Sleep when baby sleeps!!!
Tell people directly what support you need from them.
Sleep when baby sleeps if you can.
If someone offers to help, TAKE IT! Be gracious and give yourself time!
There’s a lot of info out there. Take what works/feels comfortable with you and throw the rest out.
We had no visitors rule for the first 4-5 weeks. It gave us time to do things without 100 opinions.
It’s ok not to have an instant connection with your baby. It takes time sometimes!
The early newborn hard days do end! You will sleep more than 2hours soon.
Let go of your expectations of how life with a newborn would be and just go with the flow.
Just know it is all temporary and every day gets a little easier.
Water!!!! and gripe water lol!!
It’s okay if you don’t feel an instant connection with your baby, it will happen with time.
Reach out to your support system so you can have moments of feeling like a human.
Take any and all help. Don’t try and do everything on your own.
Trust your gut! Nobody knows you or or your baby better than you do!
Trust your instincts - you know more than you think and ask for help!
Hire a doula so you can sit and do nothing but love on your bub.
If someone offers help, TAKE THE HELP.
Best thing I heard was an explanation of why, “you are the best mom for your child”
Every time the baby goes down for a nap, do something for yourself FIRST.
Just breathe, one day at a time. There’s others in your same boat. Keep swimming. Reach out.
Fuck the cleaning and sleep when your baby sleeps.
It’s a phase! Everything changes with time. See other moms if possible, go out, ask for help.
Everything is new and so much harder than you thought. Be patience and kind to yourself. It takes time.
Breastfeeding hurts AF in the beginning but don’t worry, as soon as the pain goes away, it’s cool!
It’s all temporary and in time it’ll feel like your normal.
People who say breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt are liars and assholes
Take 15 min every day to lay down and do whatever you want.
One day at a time. It’s okay to be overwhelmed. It’s okay to step out of the room for a breather.
It’s all temporary, even when it feels like it’ll never end you will get through the hard phases.
Ask. For. Helpppppp
Take care of yourself and rest.
Breastfeeding is HARD on mom and baby - and that’s normal. Give yourself grace.
Take pics of you and baby - you don’t have to share them, but have them for yourself.
Ask for help!
It’s normal to feel scared. Sleep at the hospital when the nurses take the baby!
Let people take care of you. if lucky enough to have support, so you can focus on baby.
Hire leaning help if you can. Put it on your registry.
Pack the freezer with premade meals if you can!
Just sit and cuddle! Everything else can wait. It really can. So just enjoy those cuddles.
Find a mom you trust, doesn’t have to be your own mom, just any wise mom and ask questions.
Whatever hard thing you’re in the middle of, in a few days, a week or 2, it’ll pass.
Putting your baby down in a safe place while you shower is totally acceptable.
Have a list of things people can help you with when they visit.
Go with the flow! You got this. There is no right way!
You know best! Listen to others but HEAR yourself.
YOU’RE DOING GREAT.
Do what feels right to you, co-sleep, separate sleep space, lay in, go out - do what you want.
You will sleep again and you will feel like yourself again.
Your mental health is more important than breastfeeding.
Give yourself grace. Say yes when people offer to bring you meals. All of the meals!!!
Ask for help! Be specific in what you want and need.
If If you can, get outside and get sun and walk
Stay off google, it’s a rabbit hole!
It’s OK to do absolutely NOTHING all day and just enjoy your baby.
Take advice if you want, but listen to your own intuition first. And trust it.
Listen to your body! Remember you are healing.
Give yourself grace.
TRUST YOUR GUT.
Accept help! If people offer to do dishes, laundry, clean, cook, take the kids, SAY YES!
It’s okay to say no to company! People love to visit, now is not the time to hose.
Don’t be afraid to let that baby cry! I wouldn’t put mine down because I didn’t want him to cry.
Rest!
Set the boundaries and ask for what you need! And take naps.
Do what works best for you/your family and f##k everyone else’s opinions.
Go with the flow.
Food you can prepare/eat with one hand that opens quietly!
Ask for help if you need it. And be specific.
Ask for help and accept help!
It’s totally find/normal if you don’t feel this immediate “magical bond/connection”.
JUST WEAR THE BABY - I had the carrier but didn’t think it would help but - OMG WAS I WRONG.
You are not alone ( I FELT SO ALONE).
If you don’t want people to visit just say no. People pleasing gave me PMD.
Ask for help.
Take the help. (from those who you’re okay with helping). Don’t try to be superwoman.
Ask for help. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT if you struggle with breastfeeding. You are amazing.
Trust your gut. it’s scarily accurate.
Don’t stress about BF. Make yourself a priority to be healthy in order to take care of baby.
Give in to the baby. Lie in bed w/ the baby and don’t feel like you have to be anywhere or do anything.
It’s okay if you are unable, or even don’t want to nurse. bottle feeding is okay if you are more relaxed.
If you need postpartum help, don’t be ashamed to as for it.
There is no right way to do. Just survive and advance.
Keep some semblance of your own life if at all possible. Be someone besides mom.
Postpartum is hard, it’s okay to not be “fully in love” with your baby immediately.
WITCH. HAZEL. PADS.
Don’t be afraid to ask for fucking help!!
Encourage and allow your partner to step up and be a true co-parent, not a “helper”.
Ignore the "just wait” dread. Being a mom is equally beautiful and hard. Embrace it all. You are getting to know your baby, and they are getting to know you. Give yourself grace!
You are stronger than you think.
Don’t try to do it all. There’s no trophy for not asking for help. Take all the help you can get.
Take the help when offered!!
Breathe, drink, pretend to sleep, repeat… for at least the first 6-12 month lol.
Go with the flow. Fuck what the books say.
Raising babies is hard!! When you make it through the day congratulate yourself, you did it!
Have someone who doesn’t work stay with you if your spouse can’t .. 1st week (even 4 #2) is work
Deep breath and just cry.
Hire a cleaning person and pre-order meals that you can throw in the oven.
It’s just a moment, It won’t last forever.
Pick a solid show or 2 and prepare to be cough locked. Just order out and F the mess.
Ask for help when you need it.
Prioritize self-care!
Freezer meals, comfy pjs, never worry about spoiling your baby!!
Don’t be afraid to ask for help! And food!
So cliche, but trust your gut. Sometimes even the medical professionals get it wrong.
Remember that everyone is learning new skills. Take one day/hour at a time!
You don’t need 3/4 of stuff you think you need on your baby registry… bed. food.diapers. lol
You will survive even though it really really doesn’t feel like it.
Ask fam/friends to provide ready set meals so you don’t have to worry about cooking!
It’s okay to accept help.
If breastfeeding is causing your mental health to decline, just stop and use formula.
If you can afford it, get someone to clean your house monthly. Much easier to upkeep.
If you don’t want people over, don’t have them over. You don’t owe ANYONE a “visit” if you don’t want it.
Keep doing your best and day @ a time. Fed is best, don’t stress about the boob or bottle, it doesn’t matter.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
If you’re not up for visitors tell them all off, it’s exhausting.
Hire a house cleaner! Nap with baby! Yes. Fuck the housework.
Order out, ask for partner to watch babe so you can take a long hot shower or nap.
Ask for help. Let people clean or cook for you. Run your errands or whatever.
Seek help if you feel you might have PPD!! Don’t feel alone.
Temperament of baby is not an indication of your parenting. High needs babies are hard.
RELAX - don’t try to do it all, don’t entertain your guests. Be with your baby and that’s it.
If you feel stressed or overwhelmed, set away for a minute to regroup.
Give yourself grace!
Set boundaries, if you don’t want people to isit then don’t let them!
Just take the damn nap!
Take the help people offer you.
For real, sleep when baby sleeps haha
Enjoy being in the moment! There will always be time to clean/get things done.
Set clear boundaries for icks and hospital/newborn visits
Give yourself grace in adjusting, do what works for YOU and feels right for baby.
Everything is temporary and you can do this.
Give yourself grace and accept any help offered.
Demand help! Do not ask. You deserve rest and alone time too.
Don’t stress about a schedule. Older generation will judge all you do. Just ignore them lol!.
there are SO MANY more, I will continue to add.