Mom Anxieties
The other day I opened up on my instagram stories about how I have been experiencing intrusive thoughts more frequently with this pregnancy. I left an answer box on the story for other moms to share the thoughts that they have and was completely shocked at not only how many moms responded, but also that I have had most of the same thoughts.
I wanted to share some of the responses on here in hopes that other moms would feel less alone. Knowing that others have similar, if not the exact same thoughts, has helped me a lot. (Also I want to note that 97% of the 500 voters stated that they experience some kind of anxiety about their child/children.
Here are some of the responses:
Someone breaking in the house and killing me and taking my baby- also something happening to me and her not remembering me or being able to cope.
I worry when I see her sleeping face down in the crib that she can’t breathe.
Am I spending enough time with my kid or not? Is she feeling loved? Do I even deserve kids?
Dying and leaving them without me. I think about it way too much.
If they’re breathing when they lay down for naps or bedtime.
I had breast cancer before they were born and I’m worried every day that it’s going to come back.
Someone stealing them and getting hit by a car.
Everything under the sun!
Literally everything. What if she falls of the swing backwards and a piece of mulch sticks her in the back of the neck and she’s paralyzed for life?
If I get pregnant again am I too old? Weird nighttime anxieties like: will someone break into our house (were in STP/MPLS); she’s so young and we aren’t getting enough experiences with all the covid BS;
I’ll get cancer like my mom and not see her grow up
She’ll get some random sickness like so many I’ve seen on IG lately.
Her getting sick and then If she’s sick the baby getting sick too.
A kidnapper. And my baby only wanting me to save them but I wouldn’t know where they were.
Becoming a mom. We struggled with infertility and now that I’m finally pregnant I’m so worried that we won’t make it to the end of pregnancy. Trying to hand on by faith.
Miscarriage
As mine get older I hope that they will have confidence and make friends .. I also worry I might miss something big and won’t prevent a big mistake they may make.
Every single damn thing. Worried she’ll die. Worried I’ll die and she won’t have her mom.
SIDS was my biggest fear even now at 13 months i’m terrified I’ll wake up and he won’t.
All of the above and more; broken bones, freak accidents
If they stop breathing in their sleep, choking, kidnapping, drowning. I worry about it all.
I was worried I would lose her and then convinced myself I had covid every day. Now I worry daily about SIDS and haven’t moved her crib into her room.
Driving! The thought of ever getting into a car accident with her freaks me out everytime.
Being pregnant always makes me paranoid something is going to happen to my husband.
Sometimes I just have really horrible thoughts that something bad will happen.
I literally wake up to put my hand on his chest 20 times a night!
Is he breathing? Is that swollen lymph node cancer? Does he have allergies? Does he have a lisp? Should I take away his pacifiers? Does he still have a tongue tie? Why does he call red, orange? Should I keep going??
I worry about my 3 year old feeling left out with a new baby brother.
When my kids are at daycare when they’re outside is he just going to run into the street? It’s hard raising kids in this world. So many things go through my head.
Making sure baby is still breathing when put down after a late night feeding and burp.
Is my toddler normal? Why isn’t he talking? Does he have Autism? Was it my fault? Is this headache preeclampsia? Is this baby going to come early too? The NICU was so hard.
SIDS, someone breaking in and kidnapping her, not giving her enough food, her not getting enough daytime sleep, COVID, not being good at juggling mom/wife duties.
Daycare not treating him right. Am I Pinterest-y enough, am I doing enough with food variety (I don’t cut it into cute shapes or offer 20 different colors), am I doing enough activities (reading, painting, sensory, etc), am I encouraging him to meet milestones (we don’t have any climbing equipment or stairs) etc.
So I obviously don’t have kids but I worry that I’ll never have kids. I wanted so badly to have a baby and actively tried for a year. And now that I’m starting all over and I’m a few years older, I’m scared it’ll just never happen. And I’ve been thinking about it more and more lately with so many people I know being pregnant right now.
I can’t stop worrying either. If I have a pain in my uterus (which I know is from growing and stretching) or if my wild toddler sits on my stomach or pushes it, I worry if the baby is ok. It’s so much worse this time for me too and I don’t know why. I wish I could turn it off. I feel like I have to continue to tell myself daily that it’s all in God’s hands. Everything will be okay. It’s not in my control. Just have to trust and have faith. It’s also nice to know that I’m not the only one having these crazy thoughts through pregnancy.
I’ve been an EMT- and 911 dispatcher for now 21 years. I never in my wildest imagination thought I would have PTSD. I began waking at night hearing my callers screams AFTER I had my son. Some nights I’m paralyzed thinking of all I have seen and heard in my career. I fear all sorts of things like me not living to see him grow up. Or him getting hit by a car or what if he ends up with depression and commits suicide. What if he’s a dare devil and dies doing something crazy. The lists go on and on. And it’s debilitating.
This one breaks my heart:
Both of my girls have Rothmond Thompson syndrome: they have to constantly be tested for cancer. They can’t be in the sun or humidity so we have to move for a better life for them. They are missing their thumbs, eyebrows, have discoloration of their skin, are aging before their time and have an unknown life expectancy. They are constantly blistering, have weak bones, issues with their eyes and teeth and a weak immune system. The syndrome is so rare and a combination of so many syndromes in one. Any time we go to the doctors, I have to bring information from a research doctor and basically tell them what the girls need. Funding ran out in 2013 and there is basically one doctor, Lisa Wang in Texas, fighting and trying to always collect funding to help research this syndrome. The girls are a part of her research. There is so much and it’s so hard to express and talk about. We pray daily that our girls will be okay. We cry so much and try to be strong for them. We had a cancer scare with one of the girls a few months ago and thank god, it was negative. But they are constantly being tested and it’s so hard. The hardest is that they can’t go out and play, go to the beach or the pool like normal kids because of the UV rays and humidity. One day at a time and always trust your gut!
My kid stops breathing in bed, choking, child abduction, head injury.
There isn’t enough room in this box for all the crazy shit that goes through my head in a day.
I was so afraid of losing hte baby the second time. I was way more nervous pregnant the second time.
Getting in a deadly car accident with my son in the car or by myself.
My daughter dying in her sleep.
My son choking literally every time he eats… he’s six. Also recently was divorced so the guilt and worry of “ruining” him is DAILY.
I always worried that I would lose this last baby (4). With so many losses people experience, why would/should I have 4 healthy pregnancies? I was anxious the entire time. I was also worried I wouldn’t live past this last C-section, tbh. Constantly was on edge. And I’m always scared something will happen to my kids. And now that it’ll be my fault, since I am now their primary caregiver.
My mom still worries daily! The worries just change through every stage of life.
That I would die and they’re so young they won’t remember me or how much I love them. Someone abusing my girls in any way. I worry a lot.
The shit I think is sick. I think me dying is my biggest fear because he won’t remember me.
SIDS. So scary.
Petrified something happens to him when I
m not there. Cancer. Not developing correctly.
I’m terrified of my son not getting the help or attention he needs to grow.
I’m pregnant with my first so I’ve heard my anxieties are normal!
Gun violence inside the kid’s elementary school, not being able to get to them on time. With a new born, hurting her while having her in my arms and attending to the stove.
What if kids are assholes to him and it ruins him forever?
That my baby will get childhood cancer or some rare disease and I’ll lose them young. While pregnant, fear that I wouldn’t connect or care about my baby.
Will they be good kids? Will they be safe at daycare? Will they catch the virus?
Biggest fear is just that I am failing them.
Wait until your kids drive. That’s the worst anxiety. Wait until they go to parties and school dances.
My imagination knows no limits.
I had a miscarriage in April and now am 19 weeks and I’m so afraid to lose her without signs.
What if one of my kids gets cancer? in a car accident? Sexually assulted?
WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN? I have to force myself not to worry about a shooter at my daughter’s school. Like I can’t, it paralyzes me.
Are they eating enough?
Anxiety gets better as they grow up - you trust them more as you have taught them.
SIDS, if he’s getting enough breast milk, etc.
Not so much a worry now, but when he is older! I have a child of color. Need I say more?
Irrational fears about my 7 month old dying.
SIDS, anxiety lessened as they got older and the owlet helped a lot of that anxiety.
My anxiety was through the roof. Snow ball affect. I worried about everything all the time.
Partner will die in a car crash. I will die. Child will die. All about death really.
I hate to be apart out of fear of accidents from others not paying close attention.
That my kid is being mistreated when I’m not around by anyone she’s left with, doesn’t matter who.
SIDS!!
My son started kindergarten scared of a school shooting or something happening in school.
Someone taking my babies and choking.
Every time we get in the car my first though tis a potential accident that kills my daughter.
I worry about what kind of world my child will grow up in.
Literally EVERYTHING - Just wen tot he doc for anxiety meds because it became debilitating.
That a tree will fall on the boys’ side of the house during a FL storm one night.
My son is 18 months and I still constantly check to make sure he’s breathing when sleeping.
Me dying and not being around to raise and huge and hold my babies (5 & 1 ) the anxiety kills me.
Miscarrying
What if my husband has a freak accident and I have to raise the baby without a dad?
Teenagers and social media.
When I was pregnant, I worried about movement, now I worry about SIDS.
Always feel like the preschool will dismiss him to another parent and he will be kidnapped.
What if baby’s spit gets too mucousy and covers his esophagus and he suffocates?
My daughter being taken from me if we are grocery shopping alone. Scared to go anywhere these days.
I am petrified someone will take one of them! Also, every odd bump and bruise, I think is cancer!
I cannot sleep unless I check the oven multiple times. Even if we haven’t used it.
Terrorism everywhere we went post 9/11.
Loss of pregnancy, choking and especially KIDNAPPING.
Them getting kidnapped, especially my 9-year-old daughter.
I fear I won’t be able to get pregnant one day because of PCOS.
Dropping my newborn.
Youngest Is adopted. I worry about issues showing up from her biological mother’s drug use.
After 1 miscarriage and 1 healthy baby, I’m worried we won’t get lucky again!
My kid is at the age of suicidal thoughts social media pressure internet pedo’s peer pressure, etc.
What if I do something to give my child a deformity? We are currently renovating. Am I squishing my baby every time I bend over? What if my kid hates me?
I worry about choking on something small and her not getting someone’s attention.
I worry about someone assaulting my daughter and her not knowing that it’s wrong.
I’m so scared that my son is going to get my keys somehow and will open doors just to walk out forever.
Choking. Getting stolen (have older kid). Walking out of house and drowning in creek. I could go on. I suffered severe postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression. It was bad.
Grandparents carrying my baby and taking a hard trip & fall. Always.
Our daycare is at the school I work at. Active shooter drills make my mind go crazy.
That they stop breathing. Even my 7 year-old. I still check because I freak out in the night.
My parents have a pool in their backyard and every time we’re there, I am a mess.
7 months pregnant with my first. Literally every day some new anxiety comes up or fear something is wrong with her. Very thankful my husband is not a worrier.
A million things! Am I failing them? Will they get sick because I sent them to school?
First time mom: I worry a lot about SIDS or every sniffle is COVID and I’m going to lose my baby.
My major one is if the twins fall down the stairs. What if they get bitten by a snake?
When I was pregnant with #2, I worried I wouldn’t be able to love both equally.
It took us 3 years to conceive, I am currently 30 weeks, I get to one milestone and then worry until the next one.
Am I a good enough mom?
My son stops breathing in his sleep, someone taking him away from me. Choking on something he found on the floor. The list goes on!
I was petrified of losing (name). And then I lost (name). So… yah, I get your anxiety.
Type 1 since I was a little girl. I feared and still do, that I’d give him the genetic disposition.
It’s really bad when you have daughters because of everything you hear about creeps and I worry and stress about her anywhere I am not. It’s a huge fear.
Do you actually want to know? It won’t make your anxiety worse? One of mine: house fire.
My 6 month-old grabbing my dog by the leg and her biting him because she was abused.
Baby can stand up on his own now- so scared he’ll fall wrong and crack his head open.
I’m terrified about SIDS. Also, milestones. I’m worried he’s not hitting them.
I was always super worried during pregnancy about baby’s health until my first few ultrasounds.
Diseases, choking, my kids’ eating and sleeping habits. Accidents.
Being a NICU nurse I would take care of little babies barely 23 weeks that obviously didn’t make it and being terrified of having to make a decision to let my baby go if she was born then. Just thinking the worst!! It was horrible working in the NICU while pregnant. I had them put me in the level 2 for a few weeks so I wouldn’t have to take care of super sick babies. And then when she was term, I would be anxious about all the other things that can go wrong! Never ended!
Someone stealing her out of the house, a knife falling and cutting her horribly. Crazy stuff!
Most current unreasonable postpartum anxiety thought was that there would be protesters blocking the road on the bridge to my pediatrician’s office and that they would get violent and throw my kids in the water below. I know it’s completely unreasonable, but I had anxiety about it for weeks before the actual appointment. Doesn’t help that I already have anxiety about bridges. Recurring anxieties about drowning, abduction and leaving house without me knowing.
What if I fall while carrying her? What if she quits breathing during sleep?
I’m 22 weeks and I worry still that I’ll lose her and I’m trying to stay as positive as I can be.
Daily is my pool even though it’s fenced. Anytime I can’t find (name), I check the pool first.
Delivering baby and how anything can happen in those moments.
That I will die and don’t see them growing or they will get sick and I can’t do anything about it.
That I’m going to die in labor and delivery. First time pregnancy here.
Am I doing the right thing about sending him to daycare? Does he play nice? Is he hurt?
That he’s not eating enough.
Literally everything! Car accident, drowns, fall of the sofa, slips, etc.
When my husband drives anywhere with my son, my anxiety goes through the roof.
Choking or drowning are my big ones.
That I will get sick or into an accident and die. And my little one won’t remember me.
4 month old sleeps on his belly, no matter what I do, everyone says SIDs but he rolls around.
Many of the same things you mentioned. Pregnant with my third and the anxiety is crazy.
My daughter’s asthmatic and son has a heart condition. I’m worried about them having a potential episode.
Kidnapping and sex trafficking have been terrifying me.
Is he growing okay in the womb. Stillbirth. Miscarriage. Birth complications.
Having a stillborn. My sister went full-term and had a stillborn.
Coking. Spending enough time with him. Are we giving him the right developmental tools?
That something will happen to me and my husband will have to raise our two girls on his own!
I had some abnormal test results with the blood test so every cramp I panic.
Driving in the car! Is she going to scream?? Then I speed and curse out every red light. Bad.
Our girl was in the NICU for seizure s when she was 4 days old. Still worry that she will have them. Thankfully she hasn’t had any in a year.
Anaphylaxis to something and they have an airway emergency and I’m not home.
I’m scared that my newborn will stop breathing while I’m sleeping and I wouldn’t notice.
Due in 3 days with #2. Thought of having a stillborn crosses my mind way too often.
My big one Is lack of socializing since Covid is so bad. Where we live, he doesn’t see any kids!
I 100% have similar worries. That something could be wrong with me and I won’t be here for her.
My friend is a therapist and was nice enough to share some pointers on how to deal with these Intrusive thoughts.
So obviously major life changes can trigger anxiety, bu tI think hormones also play a role if you haven’t really been anxious before. This can explain why thoughts can become more overwhelming while you are pregnant.
Unfortunately intrusive thoughts are out of our control, they’re automatic and just pop into our head without us knowing why. So when this starts to happen, the first step is actually to just label them as intrusive thoughts recognizing they’re just automatic, anxious thoughts popping in. Don’t try to necessarily push them away because that can actually make them come back and be more intense the more you try to avoid them. So it’s about acknowledging them, but also, not spiraling with them. Basically you’re just telling yourself this is just an intrusive thought that’s not within my control and it will pass, and it’s not based on reality that’s currently happening.
If they feel really consuming or overwhelming you can also try some deep breathing exercises to ground you. Anxiety is pretty much always worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet, rather than what’s actually happening in the moment. By focusing on your breathing, you’re focusing on the present moment rather than the unforeseeable future.
They you can ask yourself: “is this fear about something that’s actually happening right now?” If not, “what do I need to do right now in this moment?” If it’s something I’m worried about will happen, what’s the actual likelihood it will come true? Usually the actual likelihood is significantly lower than it feels like it is. And, “Is it out of my control?” Then: refocus on what’s in your control right now in that moment.